As I coach various people through the Lifeonaire process, it’s not uncommon for me to hear them say they wish they would have been higher on their parents’ priority list when they were younger, rather than, say, farther down the list in fifth, sixth, (or even tenth) place! A lot of people seem to be hurried or ignored through childhood, then as they grow up they simply become more tolerated rather than truly understood. Finally, as they enter the “real world” on their own, they’re expected to know how to be a man or woman without ever having been taught what that means–what it really means.
Perhaps those of you that have children have felt much the same about your own kids at some point. All too often, it’s easy to say, “I’m never going to be like my mother and father. I’m going to do things MUCH differently.” Yet somehow many people end up doing the exact same things: putting their own children on the back burner in exchange for a better job, a better business, more hobbies, etc…
The reality is that, as parents, we already have the most important job in the world. Our children will grow up learning from role models, which will teach them how to become significant in this world. Those role models can either be you, or someone else that chooses to spend time with your kids. Your children will learn, one way or the other, how to become significant to you or to someone else. Wouldn’t you rather they choose you?
While most people are busy searching for significance through their careers, the types of cars they drive, the houses they live in, and/or the clothes they wear, I’ve found very little in my life that even comes close to the significance that I experience when I simply spend time with my son. I can make more of a difference in that little boy’s life than I can doing just about anything else in this world. I think the most important thing you can give your children boils down to just two things: time and touch.
When I reflect on my childhood, some of my best memories are of times when my parents were simply there for me. I remember my dad teaching me how to shoot hoops, ride a bike, balance a checkbook, drive a stick shift, open the door for a girl, say thank you, the list goes on and on. Those times mean more to me than he could ever imagine. To him, that was probably just another day. To me, every one of those moments are ingrained in my memory and helped to shape me as a man. And whether or not my dad knew it, I learned a lot of lessons not because he literally taught me those things but simply by how he lived his own life. It would be one thing for him to tell me that I should open the door for a lady. But it’s a completely different lesson to see him do it time and time again.
Listen to your children this week. Put your arms around them. Hug them. Tell them how much they mean to you and how important they are. Don’t just assume they know; they need to hear it from you. Take the time to tell them.
Then, next time you’re tempted to get involved in some new energy-draining, time-consuming project, ask yourself, “Is this really the best use of my time? Do I REALLY want to pursue this or is it just the ‘idea of the week’?” Ultimately, you’re really asking “Does this new idea or project REALLY fit into my vision?” If your answer is “no” (or even “I’m not sure.”), it’s probably a good time to evaluate how this new thing will fit into your life. If your answer is “yes”, realize that some current project will be compromised. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day! And, all too often, our families take the back seat. Even though this may not seem like such a big deal at the moment, in the long run it’s our kids that will suffer most.
Time and touch: two simple things that will change your kids’ lives. Think about that this week as you make decisions and live life to its absolute fullest! This way, your children will live life to the fullest as well. And, if by some chance, you’re still not convinced, check out Proverbs 22:6. The wisest man who ever lived (Solomon) thought time with our kids was pretty important too!
Blessings,
Shaun
